The First time we meet!
The first time I saw you, I knew that some new काण्ड is going
to take place in Life!
I remember that night where it was
raining, and I was trying to search that Bar to meet you!
The first thing when I got down from
the bus, my first thought was “Shit I am late”. Eventually I reached the place
and I saw you sitting on the table and shouting my name loudly 😊
And
And then, it was like a small child
waking from sleep because of fear, Like I was being pushed from a tall building,
my feeling was somehow like that!
People talking nearby, dancing, Loud
music and you in front of me! I remember there a Glass door and you were on one
side and the other side was me, looking at you the way you were smiling waving
at me however the point was you were not you, I wish that your presence was
really like your presence for me.
And today I can see that you have changed!!!!!!!
The reality is in all the time I have
spent with you I had always put all my sadness, tension and everything aside
and now I got myself into present… Seeing you changed and realizing I am
unwanted for you now and you have got other friends who doesn’t spread NEGATIVITY
around you. I had nothing to say but just collect all the shattered memories between
us, smile and walked towards you, the distance between you and me was not Far,
however now I was feeling I had walked miles away and with a wide smile I said “hi”
and you got your hand in front of me and said “hi”.
While I shook hands with you, I noticed.
The same Two eyes, your small nose, the mole behind your ears and your stunning
smile!!!!!!! Everything was same, the same which I have always seen whenever I
close my eyes when I miss you.
Those courteous eyes, Notorious lips
which kept moving while you were concentrating on something, and when I saw you
smiling. I felt like “Peace” is not just a word, I have got “Peace” in my life.
I was counting on each and every difference
or change in you and my mind and heart was shouting your name loudly, but this
time you couldn’t hear anything.
My
mind was forcing me to turn back and leave you happy with the people who gives
you more happiness and brings positivity in your life, however my heart only
said one thing ‘Hold on, just see her, look at her happy face, look at her
smile, look at her eyes which are glittering because of happiness. Was that
happiness because of meeting me? No!
I realised one thing on that day, you really
went ahead in life. And that too that time when I never thought I will stand in
this situation of life when I had millions of questions, with eyes soaked with
tears was trying to look at you, and ignoring what you were seeing as I was
only concentrating on you!!!!!!!
My heart was patting myself by says “you
finally did it” but this was not the first time it has happened; I have been
treated multiple times however not like this and for people whom you only said
to be careful. Apparently that person happens to be your best friend or BFF now
😊
I really wanted to talk to you and tell
you so many things and wanted to hear you, your voice, however I realised that we
both were getting late.
I never thought that this is something
I really deserved to be treated like. Still I kept on trying to find a reason
to talk to you so that I can again see you, be near you.
Frankly speaking, I really thought once
that I should let you live your life that way you want, however the truth
is that no matter even if I convinced myself not to bother you anymore, My
heart is still stuck on the mole behind your ears, the mole which I have kissed
once and I told you that this is “My MOLE” right above your heart!!!!!!!
The day ended and I came back home, the
one thought that I am still not able to get out of my mind is that “Why is it
that always such great mischievous things are written in my life?”
I mean I have tried making me and my
heart understand that I know you are there however that cannot bring peace to
my life, as my expectation from you in this life is “TRUE LOVE” as I have and
will always love and like you said it write “You have no time for me at all”
You know what, falling in love with you,
has again pulled me back in those days, my sorrows buried in pillow, cutting hands
from Blade and then remembering all the moments which used to get smile on my
face and at the same time which I looked myself in mirror I found the same old
Guy. Sad, quite and all the negativity around me asking me the same question, why
again?
It is, was and will be very difficult, as
I know I was loving a person who doesn’t have any feeling for me and is leaving
me all alone, from the time you said that you have no feelings for me and till
date.
Days, Months have passed, and we are
almost completing a year now. In this entire duration I have really tried to control
myself, learned one thing. If again life wants to test me then you were my most
beautiful test in life, definitely one of the most beautiful tests of
life!!!!!!!
Even after knowing the fact, I always-
always made myself understand that I should love you for the person you are, to
look at things related to you with a new point of view, even after looking at
your face for nights and days and knowing that fact that these moments will
never last for lifetime, still I felt like I was winning every day, my biggest
fear of losing you one day and never be able to be with you again but still I
was feeling happy. The happiness was with you, you being around me, I being
around you and being happy.
Bloody my life was just playing
multiple games with me, my heart was all yours, my mind was telling me not to
love you as I will end-up hurting myself, and I was actually playing a
different part for you.
I wish you could know what you are for
me, you are like that star in my life who is all alone in the sky to provide
light to me when I am walking on a party full of darkness, You are that light
in my life which came when my life was full of darkness, and I know you are
there, your presence can be like a bluff, like a comfort, give whatever name
you want. I always thought that I will tell you all the truth about how importance
you and your presence mean to me and in my life. Knowing the fact that I have
ZERO importance and value in your life.
I know now everything has changed now,
however a piece of my heart is stuck in those Moles and I don’t want to remove
it from there, cause I have accepted the fact that I am not the person with whom
you are happy and I don’t want to be a reason for your sadness. As you were
never mine, I was never a part of your life!!!!!!!
I have also accepted that no matter if
you will be mime or not, it should really doesn’t matter to me, because I have loved
and found you with all the questions and answers of why, when, what, How, where
for what reason and many more and these answers are really precious to me.
Because of you the same old guy has
started living and not just breathing, the guy who has again started loving all
the colors of life, the one who has stopped writing years ago, “You have
returned me to myself.”
The time we have spent and your
presence around me is like a “Gulmohar” plant in a deserted area. I really want
to talk to you day and night however I always run out of words.
All I am trying to do is pen down all
my thoughts, my feeling and my half-cooked Love story on paper so that I can
pass these moments as well.
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